1. Shock and Denial: What?! 334! What the.. I was just at 336! Twitter must be having service issues again. That can’t be right. I’m going to read the service alerts. Let me check Favestar.

2. Pain and Guilt: Why did they go? Oh God, Was it that last poop joke? I know that poop is nasty, but it was trending! It’s not my fault! I didn’t mean to offend, but everyone was talking about it! I’m so sorry if you were eating while you were reading it!

3. Anger and bargaining: @#$@#$ you! Yeah, stick around when the tweets are funny, and split at the first one you don’t understand! You sicken me, you simple minded #@$@$. Don’t you read the news? it’s topical humor, #@$@$wad! you never made me laugh anyway! ok, I’m so sorry.. I swear I’ll star your next five tweets! Ten! just come back! I swear, no more political humor, I swear!

4. Depression, Reflection and Loneliness: I’m closing my account. Nobody will care. I’ll never be as good as @sween, or that Tim what’s his name @badbanana guy. I just can’t keep any followers. They all get bored and leave eventually. I should probably take a writing class at the learning annex. Hell, I’ve always wanted to write something more meaningful anyway. I’ll have time for Weight Watchers meetings now! Why the hell was I here in the first place? God, I’m so fucking alone.

5. The Upward Turn: Shelly Ryan just followed me again! that’s six times now! and Brittany Fuck Vids never left! I mean, I know they’re bots, but someone real has to behind them. And they like me! Jean and Jenn think I’m funny! and look at that! Drunk_Bot just RT’d me!

6. Reconstruction and Working Through: OK, Obama is trending. Everyone is talking about his ears. You should mention that smug “look into the future” face he constantly has. It’s a different take on what everyone else is talking about, and the word “smug” is pretty funny. Remember, not everyone gets the eclectic tweet. Play to the crowd! and don’t mention poop.

7. Acceptance and Hope: Ok, I like this tweet. Others may not, but I think it’s worthy. I hope to get Favrd, but if I don’t, well, that’s ok. There’s an entire subculture of twitters that just write about their clothing choices for the day. I can make them laugh. I can make them laugh! Ok, ready? Spelling is ok? Funny words? Ironic twist? Go ahead, hit send. I think we’re gonna be ok.

http://pvaras.tumblr.com/post/209778091/the-seven-stages-of-losing-a-follower